PTSD 

Post traumatic stress disorder is caused by memories unresolved through actions of others.

My childhood is filled with memories of being bullied by another sibling, his friends attacking me at age 8 with sexual innuendo and finally sexual abuse.

Sexual abuse which occurred prepubescent blamed on me, not the abuser. There are multiple victims.

PTSD is knowing you mother knowingly discovered the sexual abuse, allowed it to continue, and was told by her Catholic clergy to protect her son because her daughter’s were not intended to remain family members.

PTSD is the mother explaining “He did not molest your younger sisters and I believe them” …….(wtf and the lawsuit from the cousin along with his other victims do not matter….just like me? Total rage.)

A mother out of control each Christmas to see a tinsel colored tree thrown through a window. (Got this one under control! 🎄)

Same mama woman screaming and demanding that I or any of her children all under age 12, take her life while holding a serrated edged bread knife to her own throat….. begging those beaten down eyes to kill her….

PTSD IS the Same mother asking why I had not died in place of my sister. (Who died of a viral infection age 14.)

Post traumatic stress disorder is living with the moments ANY of the memories were real and believing at ANY time, ANY moment BE IT AGE 8, 10 or 20 the ACTUAL MOMENT COULD BECOME REAL AT ANY TIME.

PTSD is living through the death of you father and having blame placed of his death because your holding his hand rather than any other sub step-king caused fear in collecting inheritance of his life. .

PTSD Is being forced to follow the half empty funeral procession limousines of your father in your own car because your family blames you and refused you to mourn your father’s death. Why? Because you refuse to back down from the truth….you were molested by the one who holds the family checkbook in his hand?

PTSD equals That family is afraid to accept the truth because they want their money more than they want your truth?

Depression is accepting your life is nothing in those who should love you but have chosen money instead?

Depression is accepting your sister became a second rate nurse but to only claim the title, claim experience. Yet it was you who bailed her out if jail for numerous underage alcohol incidents as well as privately escorted her to STD clinics and held her secret privy as she was given numerous unforgettable lifelong diagnosis.

PTSD was keeping secrets from the world because you felt if only from guilt.

Battling depression and PTSD equals abandoning everything and everyone you thought was family and trusted was the furthest from trusted.

PSTSD is continuing the charade unable to visit mother because she has dementia.

PTSD IS SHAKE, SHAKE DONT WAKE THE NUTS UP.

PTST is being in control of your feeling while remaining estranged from the above?

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