Taken from Facebook. Author is Bob Kahlstorf.

This is my family described perfectly. The nurse using her “ skilled knowledge” and the deviant “who is afraid of the dark”, they are the bullies. Each has a reason; one is jealous the other trying to protect a shameful secret.

I’ve always compared my mother to Jim Jones. He cunningly convinced/forced 918 members, 300 were children, in his cult to drink poisoned Kool-aid. in Guyana (1978). Before she was diagnosed with dementia she was the craziest cult leader I’ve ever met. She was positive the president of the United States was plotting and planning to fly overhead  and/or land a helicopter in her back yard. She didn’t vote for him I guess? 🇺🇸

I am still bullied and ridiculed at age 58, because I speak my truth. Truth is the most powerful weapon of all. I stand proud, bullied by 3 generations. At first it was Mother protecting her adolescent sexual deviant. Now it is the deviant protecting his money. The nurse….well she can’t seem to keep a relationship and I can. (Or perhaps the herpes infection has gone into her brain?)

Yet the police blotter tells the world all is not well in the house of the cult.🚨🚓😱

Nope. 🤫🤥 #metoo

It’s time to wake up folks. This is an epidemic for reasons unknown. Neuroscience, sociologists, teachers, and others are now studying why. If you have a friend going through this please read.

“The silent treatment” sounds like something very juvenile; something that the mean kids in grade school or junior high would do in order to bully a vulnerable classmate. The mean kids would cut the target off from their clicky group and encourage others to reject them too. They would isolate them, act as if they are invisible, and if they are acknowledged their victim at all, it would only be to mock, insult, and deride them to other people.

This kind of childish rejection and isolation is cruel and hurtful when kids engage in it, but in recent years I have also encountered dozens of adults who have been deeply wounded by other “grown-up” family members and loved ones. These “loved ones” cut them out of their lives, and “ghost” them by completely ignoring any attempts at contact and communication, much less reconciliation. Sometimes when this is done among adults, it is referred to as “alienation.” One dictionary definition of alienation is: “The state or experience of being isolated from a group or an activity to which one should belong or in which one should be involved.” This silent treatment, or alienation, is often aimed at people who ought to have very basic, intrinsic human relationships with the one cutting them off. Parent to parent, sibling to sibling, child to parent, parent to child, etc…The rejection is often more painful, and more difficult to come to terms with than those not directly involved can imagine. People who tell me their stories are often bewildered, and deeply wounded, They often express to me that this rejection came about suddenly, completely, with no precipitating event, and with no known circumstances that would justify such drastic destruction of a normal, existing family relationship. Even worse, very often those who are on the receiving end of the alienation, are also suddenly denied relationships with children or grandchildren who they love and have enjoyed close relationships with, in the past. It’s humiliating, traumatic, and typically completely unforeseen.

People are of course free to associate with who they want, and in some cases such as abuse, criminality, addiction, etc., it may even be justified and wise to cut off contact with someone. These are not the cases I’m referring to. I’m speaking of the tragically common occurrence of the “silent treatment” being imposed on someone for much lesser reasons. reasons that are apparently minor, petty, sometimes even imaginary. Rather than seeking resolution, or at least a mutual toleration that would allow a civil, if not warm interaction, continued participation in normal family events, and preservation of the natural affections of the children involved, the alienator instead chooses to shun someone as if they were dead and not really missed. This is a very harsh, and heavy-handed, selfish decision that also affects many people who become collateral victims of the silent treatment aimed at someone else…and yet it appears to be applied casually and stubbornly in all too many instances. All the worse when this treatment comes at the hands of someone they’ve loved and who they believed loved you in return.

Those affected by the silent treatment often say that a loss of someone to death would be easier to accept and heal from, than with the ongoing and unresolved rejection, and isolation from loved ones who remain alive, but who will not communicate. This is especially true when kids and grandkids are caught up in the actions of the adults and are; in effect, weaponized. These little ones are alienated from people they love, and they are denied loving, and nurturing relationships that ought to be their birthright. They are robbed of elemental relationships because of the inability of adults to overlook differences, interact, and handle their anger and resentments in a civil and natural manner like healthy adults should.

This destructive behavior seems to be at almost epidemic levels in our culture today, and yet it is very little known and discussed. Those on the receiving end of this harsh rejection are often bewildered, embarrassed, hurt, and feel isolated and shamed. They don’t want to talk about it, and when they do, they often feel misunderstood, or under vague suspicion. Sometimes they avoid going out in public, for fear of a painful sighting of children or grandchildren they are no longer allowed to even say, “hello” to, or because of some sense that they might have unjustly become objects of gossip or blame from others in their community. Many times they find that those they do confide in are disinterested in their pain, fail to understand the depth of what they are experiencing, or that they often just don’t want to take sides or get involved. These reactions cause the alienated person, if anything, to feel even more lonely, isolated, and hurt.
People hearing about the situation often brush the issue aside, dismissing it as a “falling out” that the parties involved will surely get over at some point soon. Alienation is not just a simple “falling out” where people are temporarily angry with each other after an argument, perceived slight, etc. In fact, there is often no clear precipitating event, the silent treatment starts suddenly, and blindsides the person it is directed at, leaving them confused and unable to make sense of it. There is no attempt by the rejecting family member to “get over it”, and so the pain goes on for years, even decades while relationships are damaged beyond repair by the lost years, pain, and festering resentments.

The decision to alienate and ghost a family member might be more understandable if there were a history of physical, or mental abuse, betrayal, or perhaps drug addictions and alcohol abuse. But in story after story, people who have; or are going through this, have told me, there is nothing that rises to a level that should justify such a drastic discarding of another person and the relationship that had existed between them. There is usually no interest in reconciliation by the alienator. And it is all especially devastating when the sudden severing of a relationship also involves keeping children from someone who loves them. The normal affection of the children is poisoned, and other friends and family members are also recruited to join in on the rejection and isolation of the silent treatment target. Even when conditions for “forgiveness” and restoration are offered and met, (ie.- confessions, apologies, financial demands, etc.) it is not enough and the silent treatment is invariably reapplied, and trust is further damaged. Usually, the person who is being cut off is further dishonored by finding that they have been run down, criticized, and slandered to their friends, family, and even to innocent children who otherwise have only love for the family member being attacked. This is done to justify the actions of the alienator and inflict even greater cruelty on the object of the alienation. It is frankly abusive.

I don’t really know why this is such a common story. it is heartbreaking for those involved, and I hear it over and over again from people in different families In spite of the varied backgrounds and circumstances, in many cases, the details of their stories are strikingly similar. What is certain is that there are many, many people in our day who are quietly suffering the humiliation, pain, loss, anger, shame, confusion, loneliness, that comes from being discarded like trash, abandoned, and cut off from people they have loved and cared about. I have to wonder if those who reject a family member simply feel that it is their prerogative to remove someone from their lives for any reason, no matter how trivial; and that they are doing nothing wrong…or do they realize the depth of pain, disrespect, and dishonor they are inflicting and simply chose to impose “the silent treatment” anyway. Do they realize that they are painting themselves as victims, when in fact, they are behaving as bullies on a level that cruel children can only aspire to? It is hard to believe they don’t understand the effect of the silent treatment. Sadly, it usually appears that they know precisely what they are doing.

I wish that our society would become aware of how many people are in this silent pain, and embarrassment caused by the alienation of family members. I wish people understood the hurt and humiliation from the loss of relationships with family members, and with the children who are drawn into the antics of the adults in their lives. I wish that the epidemic of adults giving the silent treatment; to people they should love rather than hurt, was widely known in our culture. I wish that family alienation would become something frowned upon, and disapproved of, especially when children, with no choice in the matter are involved. I think that turning young minds and hearts against family members who love them, and who they naturally love in return, ought to be considered as abuse on the same level as neglect or inflicting physical pain. It should be exposed and condemned, not covered up and ignored.
Shouldn’t the attitude of our culture always favor communication, interaction, striving for reconciliation, and forgiveness? And shouldn’t we discourage childish ghosting, silent treatment, petty alienation, and abandonment as unfruitful and abusive ways to address differences? The people who choose to hurt others with rejection, silent treatment, and ghosting should be the ones who feel ashamed, embarrassed, and disapproved of, rather than those who are their innocent victims. We as a culture should consider this form of adult bullying to be a cruel, abusive, and unacceptable behavior…it should not be ignored, excused, encouraged…it should be called out” ~Bob Kahlstorf


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